How to Share Hurt Feelings

2. Set the stage. Let your partner know you’d like to share some feelings, good and difficult, with the intention of helping you feel close and understood. Don’t forgot to make your intention clear – your desire in sharing comes from wanting to get back in sync with your partner, because he/she is important to you.

3.  Risk sharing positive things even when you feel negative. Let your partner know you are reminding yourself and them about these positive thing. Share half of your gratitude list. For example: “I’d like to start with letting you know some of the character qualities you have and some of the things you do for me that I appreciate…”

4. Cushion the Shift. Let your partner know you will now share your hurt feelings, and your intention in sharing is not to complain but feel important again and you need his (or her) help getting there. Example: “Today when _____ happened my feelings got hurt. You probably didn’t mean to and I hope we can avoid that type of interaction again, I don’t want to feel hurt and so distant from you. Is it okay that we talk about it? I’d like to hear what was going on for you and hope you can see why my feelings were hurt.”

5. Listen or accept openly any response your partner has to you sharing your hurt feeling. Example: “So you didn’t realize that I would take it that way? I am trying to see that, and thank you for sharing your view.” or “I appreciate you seeing it from my point of view.”

6. Share the rest of your grateful list, with sincerity. Reminding your partner and yourself “I am grateful for these things even when my feelings have been hurt.”

7. Thank your partner for being willing to hear you, even though it was probably difficult.

8. Show affection even if you still feel hurt. If it didn’t go as smoothly as you wanted you can say as you offer a hug or kiss “I don’t feel quite resolved yet and I want you to know I still love you.”

9. Take a minute to review how it felt to slow it all down and take those risks to step into a new attempt to get close again.

Finally, I think you’ll be surprised what gratitude can do to spark reconnection.

Remember, as you approach your partner with gratitude, even when you’re hurting, your partner will feel reassured hurting you isn’t the end of the world and will be able to respond less defensively. You’ll be more open to recieving the reconnection and your attempt for repair and reconnection will send a very clear lasting love signal.

Let me know how it goes – I think you’ll really like it.