Does your relationship need help now?
Maybe you think your relationship trouble is like the common cold, if you just wait long enough the distress will pass.
Unfortunately when it comes to spontaneous recovery relationships typically are NOT like the common cold. In fact, untended distress typically gets worse.
If you’re married to a man that is like most men, then he probably believes if he ignores hot emotions things will cool down. Well, that is sort of true. It’s true in the short run, and untrue in the long run.
It really does help to protect the relationship from the immediate argument to pull out of it. But, if after the immediate tension the problem isn’t address then it’s more likely for a attack/defend pattern to get going.
If you hear these common words coming from your husband’s mouth then your relationship is distressed and needs attention:
“you’re too emotional”
“why does it have to be like this with you?”
“if you didn’t make such a big deal of things….”
“okay, okay. I hate it when you cry”
“anything you want”
“I can’t talk to you when you get like this”
If your partner sounds like the examples above, or if you do for that matter, it’s time to give your relationship attention. That means, slow down and help your relationship. The best way to help is to look at the pattern in your relationship. Chances are, you’re caught in the criticize/defend pattern, the pattern shows up most commonly in distressed relationships. If this pattern is not changed it can lead to the destruction of your marriage. Dangerous stuff.
The good news is, there is a good way out of that pattern. Scientifically proven to work.
The first step out, is to recognize the pattern and begin to talk about the pattern itself. Don’t talk about the issue that triggered the pattern. Talk about the pattern.
Once you identify the pattern with your partner it becomes possible to work together to overcome it, and that’s something your marriage needs.
If you need help identifying the pattern, please leave your question or comment and I’m happy to help.
In love and service,
Becca:-)
