Love Sense

For decades people have thought that nothing makes sense when it comes to love.  Over the last 15 years science has shown just the opposite.  There is science behind love and it can be understandable.  Once you understand it, then you can be successful in your relationships. Dr. Sue Johnson has written a revolutionary book, Love Sense, to learn about… Read more →

The Neurobiology of Change

I read this blog the other day and thought – that’s why my couple retreat and Emotionally Focused Therapy for couples works. New experience. New experience combined with deeper understanding creates positive and powerful change. This is a blog from Daniel Goleman talking about the neurobiology of change. He writes about Emotional Intelligence in organizations. Marriage is more than an… Read more →

Communicating Needs

One thing we know from the research on the science of love, is communicating our needs to our partner is really important. It’s not just any needs though, it’s attachment – love bond – needs. Attachment needs come from a different level – a deep emotional level. When we communicate attachment needs from the deep emotional level it moves partners… Read more →

The Myth of Accepting Anger

I was coaching a wife the other day who said, “I want to be able to be myself with my partner, I need him to accept my anger and stay close to me even when I’m mad.”   She had this idea that if he really loved her he would love her anger too. The problem is, when she got mad… Read more →

We change, we grow, we love

New experience brings life to change. In a very literal way. When we have new experiences we grow new neural pathways. Our potential for growth, learning, connecting and reconnecting continues. We need love and to create new-ness. Having new experiences as a couple is a wonderful way to grow together.  Read more →

“We’re not broken, just bent

One couple came looking for just a little bit, for just enough to decide to not break up. They decided they would come to the workshop to see if there was any hope on making their love work. The wife (I’ll call her Cloe) had taken off her wedding ring months ago… Read more →

Vulnerability the birth place of love and belonging

Getting and staying connected is something we all need, we long for. We often don’t know how to get there, or how to keep the connected (loving, belonging) feeling once we get it. Learning more about vulnerability and connection can help a lot. Brene Brown, a researcher on vulnerability, shame and connection has helped these concepts get out to the… Read more →

Guest Post by Chelsea Madsen

 “I Won’t Give Up On You” – The Importance of Commitment Author Chelsea Madsen (c) Can Stock Photo The popular song by Jason Mraz, “I Won’t Give Up” shares an important message of commitment in relationships and the powerful effect it can have.  How important is commitment in a relationship?  Researcher Steinberg created a model for what makes up love and… Read more →

When Your Partner Needs Attachment Reassurance

There are moments in relationships that are more important than other moments. John Gottman (The 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work) talks about happy couples having a 5:1 ratio of positive to negative interactions.  The trouble with the ratio idea is not all interactions are equal in importance to the well-being of the relationship. Some moments are just more important… Read more →